Tonight I didn't exactly meet all of those requirements but I did have a big first in my kitchen. That would be cooking something with not one, not two, but three kinds of meat and I don't think I screwed it up and it involved whizzing some bacon in a food processor and using my hands to mix up two+ pounds of raw meat and eggs, form it into a free form loaf with chopped up veggies and cooking that huge thing for over an hour till it became meatloaf awesomeness (one of the venerable Gourmet magazine's last recipes). I actually think I requested this from the live-in chef who used to occupy my kitchen. Regardless, I felt like it would be a feat to accomplish and I jumped in.
Amazingly, the dish turned out well - I am starting to feel more and more comfortable in the kitchen - but of course I am alone and not cooking for anyone but myself. The pace is my own, the results are judged by no one but me, and total failures or complete mistakes can be whisked into the trash while no one's the wiser. The biggest hang-up I had when cooking (or thinking about cooking) when I was not single was that I'd be judged. That's completely irrational and I know it wouldn't have been that bad, but I didn't have the confidence one way or another.
And so I'm proud that I stepped out of my comfort zone tonight, got my hands dirty (and by that I mean, I really had to use my hands to mix up all the raw ingredients and I don't think I've ever done that before), and sat myself at the table with a glass of wine, a cloth napkin, no computer and a real meal cooked from scratch with my own two hands.
It doesn't sound like much to some people I'm sure, but for me, it was a pretty big first.
Now, who wants meatloaf leftovers? Good grief I never realized how much 2 lbs. of meat really was!! I should have halved the recipe. Eh. Live and learn.
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