Crazy

I know that on the spectrum of craziness, I'm not exactly all that far down the line (though surely some family and friends may disagree) but I feel like recently I've become oddly paranoid. I think it's a result of being on my own, and I don't like it one bit.

I'm not talking about paranoid that something/someone is lurking and out to get me. I feel perfectly safe coming and going wherever I am. That's one thing I'm proud of - my independence and realistic sense of my surroundings.

No, this paranoia is more of the social sort. I constantly feel as though people are annoyed with me or upset about something I've said or emailed or just wish I would shut up. I have NO idea if any of this is true, and I would imagine that it's quite likely I'm being overly sensitive. But I think it's because I don't have that one person anymore who is there, always, to listen (even if sometimes it's half-assed). So when I email/text/tweet/call people and they don't really respond, I begin to worry.

I hate feeling so emotionally dependent on others. I just got so very used to having someone around who did truly care about things I had to say (well, until they stopped, of course). So now that I'm flying solo sometimes it just feels lonely. So I reach out. And then get confused when people don't always reach back. I don't expect the same level of concern for my daily life from others that you would from a significant other, but I guess it can be hard when you realize you're no one's first priority. They've all got other people to worry about ahead of you.

I think this sounds selfish, and yes, crazy. I'd love it if these things didn't bother me, but it's just one of the transitions back to (never-ending, I'm sure) single-dom that I struggle with. Hopefully not forever.