Monday morning

I read an article posted by a friend this weekend about spending the first hour of your workday actually working or doing some other productive task, and not yet digging into emails. It was really nice. I unpacked some files that were shipped to me on Friday, installed software on a co-worker's computer, and sent a request for some corrected insurance certificates. I opened my Outlook so it could get started and I could refer to my tasks list if needed, but minimized it. And then at 9:30 I had a sense of accomplishment and was able to quickly sort/respond/delete the emails that were waiting. A good feeling. I will definitely be trying that again.

I'm hoping it helps me finally feel caught up. Ever since finishing school and being able to throw myself completely into the daily grind at the office (with the occasional bout of overtime as needed), I've felt like the big/time-sensitive stuff gets done but maintenance or special projects linger. Some of this is because right around that time we began taking on new consulting projects, of which I have a decent-sized support role. I'm looking forward to shaking that and looking forward to seeing some great progress on my LARGE to-do list by Friday. Onward!

Today's accomplishments

Today's accomplishments include running 8 miles (when I had planned on just taking it "easy" with 6) and making it through Target on another shopping trip (list in hand this time) without buying anything off the list and unnecessary. Still it feels as though I've put myself on food stamps or something - and I'm developing a keen sense of gratitude for what I have already. It's really crazy how different shopping with a limited amount of cash is, even compared to simply breaking out the debit card. I have a couple more things to pick up at the local grocery store and then I'm about out of money till Friday.

So I'm hoping to add the following additional accomplishments to today's list:

• Make spaghetti and meatballs (all ingredients already on hand) for dinner tonight/leftovers (this one that I recently pinned from a fave blogger, but in traditional American style w/ pasta instead of polenta, though I'm certain that would be juts as tasty). Check! They were so tasty!
• Make veggie chili (had to buy two cheap cans of beans, otherwise other ingredients on hand) for lunches (ALWAYS love this recipe. I'm forever grateful to Anna for sharing. Seriously). Check again! Lunch for work = happy :)
• Make Greek-style grain salad for lunches (also have most items but a few are left to buy) - this might actually happen tomorrow but I need to at least gather the ingredients (basically this recipe with shrimp added as desired and using spinach and olives and maybe cucumber).
• Figure out how to host book club on the c-h-e-a-p. Need several app-type foods and a dessert or two - it's hard because any other time I entertain I just rationalize it as a worthy reason to break out the plastic at Trader Joe's. Not this time around.
• Oh, and make major headway on the book that I'm supposed to read/lead discussion for. I seem to be distracting myself pretty well on that front

Cash-only

Maybe the idea of going cash-only for my daily spending is a bit more appealing because I've never had a job that paid me in cash, and thus rarely have cash on hand. I've always wanted to be a person who COULD pay for things with cash - though not because she's on a strict budget. Nonetheless I can already tell the difference it makes while out and about doing errands.

This afternoon I took a quick trip to Target and Whole Foods with a friend - she needed to pick up several things and I couldn't find my list, but I remembered a handful of items I wanted to buy. Wandering through the aisles I usually have decent self control (no bottles of wine, browsing only in housewares and domestics, etc.) - but once I hit the "staples" I tend to rationalize each $2 and $3 item until I get to the checkout and see a big 5-0 staring back at me. So today I carefully chose my few purchases, and even turned down an item that was marked on sale but didn't ring up correctly. Total spent at both places? Just under $20. Total items purchased? 5. Ridiculous. But far less ridiculous than letting myself grab that fancy bottle of soap or expensive jar of jam. Rethinking the "wants" and realizing what is really truly a need has been enlightening already.

Hoping I can stretch this last $50 or so. I HAVE to do some meal planning this weekend, and prep some healthy lunches based on my pantry staples and some select choices at the store. I'm lucky to have what I do and I think that paying cash will raise my awareness of that good fortune even more. Down to the handful of change I received before walking out of "Whole Paycheck" feeling very much in control (and yes, maybe a tiny bit wistful for that lovely jar of blackcurrant goodness left behind).

Budget update

One week left in August, and while I said I was going to kick the budget's behind this month I didn't quite make it, BUT I stayed much further on track. And I have a great sense of where I'm going for next month. AND I'm feeling good about the $100/week plan.

Some potential budget-busters up ahead are a few birthdays (I really need to get a "gift fund" set up for year round expenses - maybe after the new year and possibly a raise!) and hosting book club - but I know I can come up with some perfectly delicious budget snacks if I just plan. The only two categories on my mint.com budget in the red for August are "shopping" and "gifts" - the first is mostly because of the shoes and alterations I had done on dresses for the Seattle trip as well as groceries. Then there's the "other" which I don't budget for and this month is basically car registration costs and AAA renewal. Again, things that aren't huge expenses but when there's no wiggle room, out comes the plastic. And now that the plastic is no more, next time I'll have to just find the cash.

Tackling the food expenses once and for all is my #1 goal in the short term. That means more planning, more cooking, and less wasting. I read yesterday that in our country we waste approximately 40% of our food! That's insane. I don't think it's quite so bad in my situation but there's absolutely room for improvement especially in terms of produce. And I absolutely don't need to waste my money (or my waistline) on processed foods - so out go the snack crackers and ice cream and treats. They are rare to find in my pantry, but I need to make them even more so.

I'll take one last look next week at the final breakdown, and it'll be onward to crushing September's budget! For now, I'll get my $80 "ration" from the ATM tonight after putting $20 of gas in the car. Man oh man do I ever miss that free Metro pass I had in grad school. I really didn't take advantage of it. Saving on the gas for my commute and having time to read sounds pretty enjoyable now that I'm not rushing back and forth to school. The irony, huh?

Settling back in

Even though it was just a few days away, I still feel like I'm adjusting back to the real world - which includes remembering to grocery shop, do laundry, and run. To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't mind several more days of eating out (I actually did pretty well staying healthy, even at the airport!), throwing dirty laundry in a pile in the corner of a hotel room and hiking up mountains or winding through little neighborhoods in cities across the country.

I'm finally feeling like I'm back on track. A difficult run this evening followed by several loads of laundry and a simple dinner at home helped. So has thinking about (and talking about) my renewed commitment to get out of debt, find a workable budget, and feel in control about my financial life. I looked up the 50/30/20 Budget Plan today (link) and compared my actual bills and savings to the plan. Unfortunately I'm coming in at 60% "needs", 12% "wants", and about 27% savings and debt pay-off. I don't exactly see much room for reducing the needs category and it's even going to increase when my grad school loans come due (I've already decided not to consolidate, just to suck it up and take the straightforward 10 year payment plan to reduce my overall interest and simply be done with them). In fact, I'd need a 20% increase in my take-home pay to get down to the 50%. But the book that goes along with this plan is on my to-read list and I think it's just going to be the start of a change in thinking. I can't get wrapped up about not perfectly meeting the goals. I just have to work at getting better. And while a raise would be nice, I know that if I stay on track my debt-pay off will decrease and I will free up some cash for "wants" which makes life that much more enjoyable. 

As for the "wants" - towards the top of my list is a gym membership. I'm doing pretty well with the half marathon training and I've learned how great it is for me to run with a group. I wouldn't be at 6 miles already without the great folks I get to see each Sunday. But cardio isn't going to cut it if I want to look and feel my best - and I'd love to get back to yoga or even kickboxing. Of course I should just find some workouts online and do what I can at home. Plenty of people get flat abs in their living rooms and honestly I have no excuse - I certainly have the time. Think I need to settle into yet another new routine.

Things that happen after vacation

5 days away, with over one day's time spent traveling (yes, 24+ hours) - but still completely worth it for a break in the routine, a change of scenery and pace and perspective. Vacations are nice. I need more of them :) So what happens when I get back? Apparently:

1. Some minor cursing for not buying any coffee beans whilst in the Pacific Northwest. I mean, really. I'm disappointed in myself and severely under-caffeinated
2. Minor depression upon opening (and then re-starting, twice) the work computer and Outlook. Mostly shaken off by mid-afternoon. Catch-up is my least favorite game in the office.
3. You eat a can of soup for lunch, which, as you might gather, doesn't come close to the fresh-off-the-boat sushi you devoured two days prior.
4. You cut up your credit card. That's right, as previously mentioned as something I wanted to do, I sat at my desk over lunch and snipped it in half. Time to just deal with life as it is, spend what I have, and do without. I can't imagine this will be in the least bit enjoyable at first but I'm thinking it's just about necessary. I don't have the resolve to let it lie untouched for too long so I just have to say goodbye. Looking ahead to some nice casserole dinners, leftovers, and learning to become creative with my limited wardrobe and cooking skills. Necessity breeds creativity, right? I hope so.

Edit: I should note that it wasn't the spending of money on vacation that snapped me back into the reality of getting my finances in order once and for all. No, it was actually the amazingly comfortable bed (I've never slept so hard, and I don't think it was just the mountain climbing/city exploring that did it) and fantastically enjoyable showers that I missed so dearly this morning. Nothing like a poor night's sleep on a too-tiny and not-so-comfy mattress followed by the trickle-in-comparison crappy apartment shower head to trigger the change. Also - I'm 30. Employed gainfully. Enough is enough. A girl's gotta have standards - even if they come with sacrifice.

I have got to stop spending $

I mean it. I have to stop spending money on everything but essentials. I almost feel as though I have no idea what is actually essential and what I can live without and not undergo some sort of terrible deep sadness because I didn't buy the $4 toothpaste or the extra snacks for the plane or the clearance this-or-that or the "perfect" accessory for the wedding outfit, etc.

I would cut up my credit card if I actually had an emergency savings account worth a damn, but I don't - so I'm afraid to lose that safety blanket. And instead, I abuse it.

If I can get through this trip without any more credit card charges, I will be a.) thoroughly impressed with myself and b.) very happy.

A bunch of little things

Today was one of those days where nothing terrible has happened, yet a bunch of little things refused to go right. It all added up to some seriously glazed over eyeballs by the end of the day and a feeling of treading water - on what could have been an amazingly productive day in a nearly empty office. Frustrating and tiring.

I'm working on keeping perspective though - and it's honestly not that hard at the moment, considering one of my Dad's oldest friend's brother (and also great friend) passed away after a brief bout with cancer. About the same age, with daughters about the same age, and about the same wonderful personality and demeanor. Much better plumbing skills. Just one of the good ones, you know?

So when all these little things pile up and frustrate me and make me wish I could crawl into bed, I'm reminding myself that I'm lucky to have the day, have the chance to BE frustrated, and have the wonderful family and friends to shake me out of the funk. And that there are SO many things in life that don't matter but we wind up spending absurd amounts of energy thinking about them - far more than necessary.

And to kick back at the universe for giving me a bunch of little annoyances, I'm going to try to attack a few tonight. Starting first with the utterly neglected apartment building hallway. Which will hopefully lead into my utterly neglected kitchen. And maybe some dinner. And definitely a drink. In honor of Ted, and all the little things (good and bad) I'm damn lucky to feel, and all the GREAT things I'm lucky to have.

7 days in - update

7 days into the month of August - so how am I doing with my goals?

Well, the good news is that I've done all of my training runs! Woo! And I feel great about them. I'm looking forward to this half marathon and the training program a lot more than I was in the spring.

I've also brought my lunch each day to work! Getting up early has helped, so has a renewed sense of urgency to learn how to cook (or rather, learn how to enjoy cooking). Why? Because it's something that I'm just going to have to do, part of caring for other people, not just myself. But I might as well treat myself to wonderful  home cooked food either way.

The not so great news is that I've had to dip into my savings to the tune of $140. The prior post explains where most of it went. This is basically a product of paycheck-to-paycheck living and my first August check not hitting the bank till the 10th. As well as those "non-budgeted" things - namely clothing - that more or less had to be paid for. There was another charge for shoes and a purse, which will maybe also come from savings if they work out and aren't returned (always a big possibility - I bought two pairs of heels. I am not a heels girl).

I think this is still net progress. 1 week in and feeling ok.

$100

Being a female isn't cheap. Ok, I guess it COULD be cheap, but professionalism and personal care standards tend to call for certain expenses which are often hard to get around.

I just spent $100 (that I don't exactly have) on makeup, razor blades, and alterations. Perhaps these aren't "needs" but they surely weren't things I want to spent $100 on either. But I DO want to look put together, not sloppy. We're talking drugstore expenditures and the local tailor - not luxury versions of the same.

Sigh. It's always something.

Accomplishments of the day

1. Smiled like it was my job until I put myself in a better mood.

2. Trekked through two meetings and an event, with a positive attitude despite my crawling ahead but just barely to-do list.

3. Took out the trash. I promise this is an accomplishment - it was bad. And quite full. And heavy. A feat of upper body strength to get inside the dumpster, in fact.

4. Bought several key items at the grocery, and spent just under $12 - within budget.

5. Made dinner. Dinner that tasted good from a recipe I will definitely use again and hopefully someday also accomplish in the laughably short 35 minutes it claims to take.

What I have yet to accomplish:

1. Turning off the computer (9pm has come and gone).

2. Reading. That book club pick isn't going to read itself. (Thankfully there's a movie...just in case).

Excuse me, have you seen my motivation?

I seem to have lost my motivation to be a productive person after work. This is the second night in a row I've had with nowhere to be and nothing to do, and its been one of dozens since finishing school. Yet I can't seem to get back into the swing of things with cooking, cleaning, and tackling the to-dos.

Exhibit A are the two dresses and one skirt I desperately need altered - the dresses for an upcoming out of town wedding, the skirt to augment my terribly sparse work wardrobe. The tailor I plan on going to is nearby, and open till 6:30. And yet the pile has sat in my living room for about 2 1/2 weeks now. Maybe more.

Exhibit B is the mess of a refrigerator, jumble of a pantry, and deathtrap of a storage cabinet lurking in the kitchen. Alongside the haven't-been-mopped-since-probably-May floors.

I could go on but the picture is clear. Last night, though I was successful with my no-internet-past-nine rule I only managed to wash the dishes then crawl into bed at 9:30, read a bit, and pass out around 10.

It's 7:45 tonight. I have neglected to plan or cook or eat dinner yet again. I might just have a gin and tonic.

Perhaps it's the heat, the constant white noise of the air conditioners too - lulling me into an unproductive stupor.

Whatever it is, I really hope to shake it soon. Or at least channel my lethargy into conquering the 300+ pages left in my August book club pick, Pride and Prejudice. As the host, it would behoove me to actually finish, I think.